@OnlyMyMusings

Part of my journey includes getting the help that I need to work through problems that face me. With a deep breath, I admit that problems sometimes stare me in the face. A lot of self-talk takes place. “How will I overcome this?” is one of the questions I ask the Universe. A few expletives fill the air as well. After watching an episode of the sitcom Friends on television, I began to think about forgiveness. Again, I found myself struggling to utter the words “I forgive…” with a list of names following.

The other day, Dr. Phil spoke about forgiveness and discussed this topic with Bishop T.D. Jakes. They said simply forgiving someone who has done terrible things to you and getting on with life may be too much to do all at once. And here I am, thinking that I have completely moved on from hurt endured while having a relationship with a group of friends.

More deep breaths, and the many sacrifices I made for friends sweep across my mind; thoughts of giving up great opportunities in order to live dreams dreamed by a group of friends. Over the years, I have rationalized the experience.

Now, as I sit here writing these thoughts I recognize for the first time–as a real life experience–that when facing hard times, even just after overcoming a tribulation, things are a bit fuzzy. At the moment, I am really putting a time line to almost a decade of committing to a dream abandoned by many. A dream I felt compelled to see to the end. A dream I lived–even if alone.

Life is pretty tricky at times. I do not have any regrets, although, the damage done by taking on so much has left me a bit traumatized.

I am 100% dedicated to move on with my life. I always been fixed on progressing.

It feels as though many do not understand my situation. For starters, I try not to complain. Further, I am getting through.

I have been through a lot and expect to go through more. This is just me being a realist. I am happy that I have not discontinued dreaming. There are a lot of goals that I want to achieve. I am re-prioritizing as well.

This summer is the first that I have had so much time to relax; and to be honest, this difference in state of being renders me quite uncertain. Being use to going, going, going is something I normalized. And as a creature of habit, breaking a pattern I have repeated for many years is proving to be very interesting.

I am hopeful.

I am thankful.

A bit tired.

And more than anything, ready for the world.

So, with a smile and forgiveness in my heart, I will continue to be the best me possible.

In faith.

Upon waking up, yes, I am thankful for another day. Still, thoughts occur revolving someone I miss. In fact, a lot of me missing people has been taken place.

I think: “simpler times”. And I know it was simpler times. Yet, it all changed abruptly. In retrospect, I am able to recount the steps taken which altered my world.

It is interesting because the trade-off is now questionable. Prior to the transition, my breathing patterns were much more controlled. In fact, life was more about being present and appreciative for what took place opposed to future ambitions.

A whole philosophy was dedicated to this way of living. I studied balance, karma, and spiritual wellness. My mind was not occupied by the conventional norms of the societal “rat-race” that is impressed upon citizens.

This morning, I am aware of the distractions. And then, I remember who was around and existed in my constellation of peace; co-existing in a system of cosmic energy that reinforced soundness.

Still, in quietness, vices enticed me and upon obliging to said vices, my world experienced near extinction, literally. Out of a realm of stability, lured into a dimension of false promises, I delved in without caution and was left to fend for myself within less than 24 hours.

In that time, my being underwent a very familiar series of changes attributed to self-inflicted malpractice. And, then, my holistic memory recalled past processes used to ensure withdrawal.

I began to miss my friend.

And I reached out to my friend.

I asked that we resume our friendship, because it brought peace.

And I asked for that peace because I was scared. Afraid of dying without having a sense of quiet that entered my world when my existence became tumultuous. Yet, upon this rekindled friendship gaining more oxygen and flames heightening, my boundaries were not as clearly defined in comparison to a very recent time navigated by sound decision making based in a very present reality.

I ousted a friend.

For a friend.

And this is my circumstance. Borderline dilemma.

At this time, I just want to take a deep breath and begin to embrace teachings of Sadhuguru. When the mind is occupied about the past and future, the mind is preoccupied by imagination; no longer leaving an opportunity to be present and grounded in reality.

This is a first principle of being enrooted in self-actualization.

My filter definitely required cleaning, and I can safely presume, this period in my life marks a new chapter–and reminds me that I must be continuously open to learning; and to exercise wisdom.

Even in my most diligent effort to be holistically present, I must leave room for growth–a process that occurs involving factors beyond myself. So with that knowledge, and another deep breath, I must forgive myself.

Now, to explain to my friends.

Sometimes the body is shocked by things we observe. Such a time is now in my life, which serves as the basis for me writing this post. It is a goal of mine to ensure that I keep going toward my goals in life. Now that is what you call being goal oriented! Being self-assured is not problematic. Being a direct problem to others is. If you are indirectly problematic to someone because they are not focusing on their life and only focusing on your life–and they disapprove of the way you do things…oh well.

There is a lot going on in this world; enough to shock anyone. At any given time, you can look into the world and have your observations startle you. For me, it is not that I am looking for negative; it is just that at times, people say things or do things and you happen to be aware of their very public display.

What am I getting at?

I am usually of a sound mind, and when I am not, my goal is to be at peace. I notice that it is in my best interest to ensure that I am stable; that when others decide to be in attack mode, I am able to conduct myself accordingly. And this does not mean to counter-attack.

Rather, this means that I ought to get out of the territory from which volatile people are operating. I am sure I will write about these types of interactions again. In the meantime, my goal is to ensure that I fly higher.

I write to help others who feel that they are going through situations alone; and to remind them that these awkward moments are real. In fact, as stated herein above, I write to explore the shock that sometimes startles me.

So, am I still startled/shocked?

No.

If I did not write, I would have stopped what I was doing; take a few deep breaths and continue with my day. Having best practices and/or strategies that are easy to follow step-by-step actions is a great way to overcome any problem you face.

I speak with a lot of folks, and the best parts of our conversations is when we unlock secrets of success.

I choose to be candid and not worry about whether or not I am correct about my approach when trying to get help. This is a problem I see many times when working with people who want to solve their problems. They want to be fixed already before they fix their problems.

I know that sounds weird, but it is true.

This is why I am a firm believer in creating safe spaces. Once someone knows there is a safe space available to them, they are able to take off their masks and let their guards down. In other words, they are able to admit they have a problem.

You would be surprised by the amount of folks who claim all is well, directly after revealing they can use a helping hand.

Well, I hope to cover many of these topics–just as quickly as I did here–in my book, which I have been writing for years.

The safety of my blog is that I can write the way I want to. From shock and being startled to giving advice…the beauty of a safe place.

Folks often engage in bullying when they are involved in business.  Business, I get it, sometimes may require a bit of assertive coaxing–getting people to go your way; or the highway!  See, I have had my fair share of people blackballing me and the like: not responding to my emails; telling others about who they think I am.  However, I am a straight forward guy; someone who you can talk with.  In fact, I love communication.  So much that I can be perceived as someone who is harsh.  Harsh because there is this thing that I practice when it comes to my health.  This thing is called: ZERO TOLERANCE.

You often hear people talk about what it takes to be successfull; how important it is to wake up every day and commit to the greater good of society by collaborating and no longer making the mistakes of our foreparents.  As a generation with the resources to overcome obstacles which have proven to be generational you would think after such commentary, the behaviour of many would be more progressive.

Here is the kicker though!

Just because I have been the one to drop the proverbial ball in the past it does not mean that I have to accept others dropping the ball today.  Let me explain.

Some folks would not have you grow.  Especially in the area of business.  And this is where you find the bullies.

You listen to these bullies speak about folk all day and you would think their speech would be followed up with a helping hand.  However, the opposite occurs.  These folks would rather push others around.

So, where do I fit into this equation.  Well, let me start by saying that I have been bullied (i.e. blackballed, etc.).  Furthermore, I have dropped the proverbial ball in the past (i.e. did not follow through with a task).  And that should serve as enough evidence for me to be understanding.  Let me say this: I try to be the most understanding person around.

I decided that making a conscious effort to be accountable for myself is important to my personal and professional success.  And as the years went on, people would continually DROP BALLS and I would take care of the problem.  And more PROBLEMS would happen, and I would fix the problem.  Then, I recognized something was happening.  While trying to be accountable for myself by helping others, I was not holding others accountable.

Was I bullying myself?  It sure seemed that way.  In fact, it looked like those who were allowing me to clean up their mess were bullying me too.

So, I learned a lesson.

I would try to be very understanding.  Also, I would hold others accountable.

This really began to change my working relationships with people. I began to notice that the road to personal success through hard work, discipline and growth is a very lonely path at times.

When you decide to no longer be responsible for other people’s actions, you free yourself of their burdens.

I began to question myself and thought: “How could I leave these people behind?”  Then, I thought: “These people have been leaving me behind all along.”

I never closed the door on the people who would treat me badly. Yet, I did remove myself from them.

I started from the ground up.

The amazing thing about this journey is that since the beginning I never manipulated anyone, so when I left, I left knowing that I was always giving.

The folks who I was doing business with were bullying me.

Let me say this: we all deserve the right to be free from tyranny.

And in my relationships today, there are stages.  And at every stage of my relationships I check in.  And upon checking in, I identify whether or not it is safe for me to proceed.  Upon making my asssessment, I make a decision.

And sometimes, my decision is to discontinue a relationship.

Once upon a time, I would be afraid of terminating a relationship, because, I would think that the people who I was distancing myself from would try to tarnish my name.

I began to recognize that people attempt to tarnish others all the time.  These bullies do this in the world of business every day.  And it hurts of course.  But, one thing I learned is to let your work speak for itself.  If you love something, work hard at it.  And when you fail, try again.  Keep on going.  Live for what you enjoy.  And give it your best shot.

So, it summation, I really do not care what others have to say about me.  I know where I have been.  I know where I am now.  And I know where I would like to be.  So with that information, I continue to live my life, irrespective of those who once played an active role in my life.

And to those who talk about business, but only produce lip-service, take it from one who has been there…one day, you will want more.  And to get more, you are going to have to make changes.  When you make those changes and recognize that others you are working with made the mistakes you made, try to be understanding.

However, just because you are understanding, it does not mean you have to tolerate mediocrity.  When entering into a relationship, try to establish ground rules.  These simple first words about personal boundaries and repercussions that will follow upon these boundaries being overstepped will save a lot of time and energy.

Take care of self. And know that it is worth being alone and starting over if the result is peace of mind.

In closing: everyone has an opinion; so make sure your opinion of yourself is healthy.

When I sit back and think about all of the things that I did coming up, I smile, because I have been fortunate to do so many cool things. Today is Mother’s Day and I am excited because my mother still plays an active roll in my life. Over the years, she has come through for me. Money. Friendship. Confidant. Disciplinarian. Role Model. And the list is endless of the positions my mother has in my life.

And one of the lessons my mother taught me is “If you do not have it, do without it.” This message is not about depriving yourself; rather, it is about being thankful for what you have.

And showing gratitude is one of the most fulfilling things I have learned from my mother. Over the years, I have gained and lost many things; from friends to opportunities, and through it all, there was always a lesson taught by my mother that I could reference.

I remember as a teen when rebellion was the thing of the day, I would hear my mother’s voice when I was about to do something she would not approve of.

When I moved out my mother would call me religiously, checking in on her last born child. And that is what stands out about my mother; her commitment to me as her own.

That is a blessing that I cheerish and as a son at times I am confused about what I can do to repay her for all her hard work.

At times I get frustrated, because I would ask her what she wants for dinner and she would say: “I am alright.”

I think about her love for the Creator of this Universe. Her prayers are something that are truly out of this world. My mother makes me feel comfortable in a world that can be so discomforting.

And although we may argue, I never want to hurt my mommy. No way. I am thankful that she has equipped me. When my father proved that being a present dad was too much, my mother maintained that I was a priority. And as an adult, she encouraged love and that I have a relationship with the man who help bring me into this world.

This is the kind of woman I have in my corner; a true testament of triumph. As a woman, sister, aunt, grandmother, and friend, Lola Pearlitta Grant is a blessing.

Both her and I talk about youth being a state of mind and how we want long life. I pray the Universe allows this to happen.

As I go forward and continue to do awesome things, I will always wear the badge of Lola’s son.

Forever.

When you miss the person you love the most,

While doing homework, I came across a passage on procrastination. This morning, I tweeted about the procrastination “monster”. I tweeted: “Is #Procrastination on your list of pre-requisites to take care of in order to accomplish your dreams, goals and aspirations? #OnlyMyMusings”.

At first, when I came across the passage on procrastination, I tried t articulate a thought. But, I couldn’t at the moment; still my thoughts swirled around personal experiences where I believe I could have procrastinated.

The text that I read mentioned that anything we want to do, but do not accomplish is because of procrastination. So, I began to question: “Can procrastination take place when I am involved in something else?”

Then I thought to myself: “Procrastination cannot be apart of the equation when I am engaged in completing a task.”

As I write this, I believe on a subconscious level I have associated the word procrastination with prioritizing. And, the dominant thought is this: “One can be active and still procrastinate.”

I think back to times when I replaced my priorities on hold for a sub-par goal. So, I guess my train of thought wants to explore reasons for people procrastinating. If I apply basic conflict resolution principles, I easily see that there are underlying issues for someone not doing exactly what they want.

Is it hurt? Pain? Or some other set back that reduced a person’s tenacity to give it all they got? I know people work through uncomfortable situations all the time, but not everybody has the capacity to exercise resiliency. And even when people do bounce back, it is at different degrees. So, where does one fit procrastination into the scheme of things?

Is procrastination solely connected to the number one thing we want to do in life–our top priority? If so, then I am beginning to understand what procrastination is. Furthermore, if this is the case, have we bastardized the word procrastination and reduced it to mean something it is not. A notion that has been widely accepted?!?!

Take for example, not washing your clothes. Is that procrastination? Is a better word lazy? If one is preoccupied with another activity which obviously prevents someone from doing the laundry, is that merit for procrastination? It may be if the activity does not contribute to one’s overall success. This word is interesting and I look forward to exploring it some more.

#OnlyMyMusings

- @OnlyMyMusings

There are many taboos and just as many double standards.  Race is the raciest of them all in every sense of this adjective’s definitions.  Some of the experiences I go through are just that: pathways.  As I travel to and from, be it on foot, train or plane, the environments which interact with my senses are memorable.  And these memories are measured as either good or bad on the experience scale.

My focus wraps around thoughts about stereotypical altercations between Black men and other participants of society; specifically, behavioural studies enrooted in a eugenics-based ideology.  And just like race, eugenics was used for the sole purpose of manipulating humanity.

Unfortunately, unlike eugenics, race is still a prominent factor in the daily functionality of people’s modes of operation; perceptions shaped by misinformation which concludes that it is accurate to form your opinion of someone based on false association reinforced by historical storytelling.

Legacy and heritage are key components in developing a person’s identity.  Truths are easy to manufacture.  Once you establish yourself as an authority on a matter, you can tell your truth.  It is easy to see the connection between a dominant truth and law.  Modern politics illustrates that even in a democratic society there are opposing groups; and the group who gains the most support usually by slandering their opponent, gets the opportunity to change the law–which is a reflection of their truth.

Simply put, the complexity of Blackness and those who either wilfully embrace this dynamic or who are involuntarily associated with this racial package have to navigate a particular reality.

I really enjoy being human. And I bet my ancestors did too.

There is going to be a time when you are in a state of flux.  A place where you are simply existing.  The being is quiet.  Take a deep breath and pay attention to the road that you have travelled.  Observe how far you have come; and allow the environment to impact you.

This is success!

- @OnlyMyMusings

I consider myself a writer.

At times like this when it is difficult to produce literature, I feel it is important to write.

I am sure these words are an echo of a passage read some time ago.

Fighting to be present, I take a deep breath and interact with my current state.

Away from mental memory and mental fantasy, my thoughts are pre-occupied with what is.

Not much has to be done.

A long shower; then, freshening up post shower; one load of laundry; and this blog post.

Today, the goal is to relax.

I am in need of a vacation.

In the meantime and in between time, I will breathe and exhale; and remain present.

- @OnlyMyMusings